Hope Springs Eternal?

For the past few weeks, I’ve been in a funk. Without going into too much detail, I counted some chickens way before they hatched and been stuck, putting out fires from stupid decisions I’ve made. No matter what I’ve done in the past few weeks, those embers keep glowing and the eggs finally cracked without a peep.  My funk even had me diving into the boy’s Easter candy and blowing a day’s worth of calories on Reese Peanut Butter Bunnies. It hasn’t been my finest week.

 Last spring, in a fit of nesting at our rental house, I planted several bright pink and purple flowered plants (the name escapes me…) along the little brick retaining wall, right before Georgia suffered an epic drought.  Those little flowers never stood a chance, no water, clay soil, planted on a slope, trampled by dogs and ignored by me. By the end of summer, you couldn’t tell anything living had ever been in the spot.  Lately, I felt exactly the same way, uninspired, unmotivated, stomped on and, honestly, more than a little hopeless.

Tonight, as I was carrying a trash bag outside, I caught a glimpse of color. Yep, it was those darn purple and pink flowers, blooming defiantly despite the record cold, despite the lack of water and despite the fact I had given them up for dead.  I remember telling a good friend that “You’re never too old for a Do-over. As long as you keep waking up in the morning, you can have a Do-Over!” For a couple of weeks, I’d forgotten. It took taking out the garbage to remind me to have some faith in myself.

Maybe I shouldn’t make my husband empty the cans next week…

Until Next Time,

It Takes A Little Time, Sometimes…

Last night while responding to a friend’s email about my  home based business, I realized that I am probably spending more time, on average, working on my jewelry than I ever did being employed at a full time job.  During my 12 plus years of being an  government television producer, I generally worked Monday to Friday 8-5 pm, with an hour lunch break.  I earned a generous benefits package including paid vacations, holiday, full insurance coverage, etc.  On the rare occasions I worked overtime, I was compensated.  I rarely thought about the job when off the clock. If they weren’t paying me, I wasn’t working. It was a sweet gig for a while.

Now, as a home business owner, my work hours are not so easily calculated. Did I spend 3 hours reworking the website or did Son #1 interrupt me for homework help/snack/conflict resolution?  How long did it take me to pick up Son #2 from preschool and who the heck threw up on the carpet while I was gone? Lunch hours spent venting with coworkers have turned into typing on the computer with my left hand, eating a microwaved frozen dinner with my right while petting the cat with my foot to keep him from jumping on the desk. And that’s when the 2 boys are at school!  I’m working nights, weekends, days, anytime I can get a few minutes with my jewelry supplies or computer. In fact, I’m typing this blog on a Sunday morning with one hand while playing “Dueling  Light Sabers” with Son #2!  Add in my husband’s ever-changing work schedule and any sane person would run straight back to being an employee.

Thank goodness no one has ever accused me of being sane. Being my own boss is something I’ve always wanted to do and I’m lucky that technology has given me ways to pursue it without huge start up costs.  I’m also lucky that my husband supports my venture wholeheartedly, offering words of encouragement, ideas and support.  I couldn’t attempt this without him (or his excellent health insurance.) 

For the first time in almost 34 years, I am not taking the safer choice by going back to the work force. Even with an employed spouse supplying benefits, there are risks to starting a new business.  Taking chances is never something I’ve done. Always before, I’ve taken the safe, smart, secure job whether I liked it or not.  Now I’m blazing my own way a little bit by defining success in my own terms. It only took 33 years to figure it out but I’m lucky. Some people never do.

Until next time,